The ABC List

THE ABC List…some have a bucket list, I made an ABC list.

As I approach my 41st birthday, I am supposed to reflect on this, my life. I can say without any degree of certainty that it has been my life, but not that any of my information is clarifying, profound or even worth reading. However, my children challenged me last year to write the ABCs of my life, so here goes.

A: absurdsit theatre – I love the movement known as such; it reflected upon the confusion, distortion and disconnection that will come to define the twentieth century; memorable if not essential. Go Albee!

B: baseball (DEFINITELY) – do not ever blame baseball for your short attention span. I am a Pirates fan and always will be. A game in which a clock will never run out on you, yeah, that’s the game for me.

C: cantaloupe – we’re already married so we can’t…never mind. It’s just my favorite fruit; it speaks of summer and goodness and all that is wholesome in life.

D: dad – I’m a dad, it is important to me; it’s a goal reached but a work-in-progress. I have long said that I will be the dad my father wasn’t. I think I am on my way.

E: everyone – not everyone knows me, and that’s okay by me (Imagine the Christmas card list!) but I have met a lot of good people along they way.

F: foreign lands – I hope to travel before I die, so the next forty years still have purpose.

G: guy card – I had this taken away the moment I said, “Have you ever read the poem by…” And I am okay with that; I am a balanced guy – love sports, love the theatre; I can sort of cook and be stubborn, hate yard work but try to keep a good home for my family. I like to think I am a Retro-Renaissance-Realistic kind of guy…I just happen to have lost my Guy Card because of Dylan Thomas!

H: husband – I try to be a good one; being faithful is the easy part, being a good husband takes work.

I: I – the me, myself and I is important; have a healthy self-image. Hell, why not?

J: joking – we have to laugh at this life. My funeral better be fun. Come on, I always went for the joke! The J is cool enough to deserve double-billing, so this is brought to you by the letter J. There just are not enough words with the letter in our language.

K: kids – I can’t live without them, can’t have enough of them. I am lucky to have three amazing kids. And the smiles just keep coming. Hey parents – it’s called RESPONSIBILITY; don’t be a parent if you don’t have the skill. 99% percent of the world’s problems could be solved through better parenting, enforced parenting, hold some loser fuck-up accountable because he was terrible at parenting. Drugs, violence, racism, ignorance, teen pregnancy, lack of education, and so many social ills can all be solved through better parenting. Wake up, America, and make parents do their damn job!

L: love…too easy? I could write a blog, a book, a memoir, but why? We have been discussing it for centuries and the mystery lives on…

M: Michelle – if a man has a good wife, he needs to give her props. I am one such man. Here, Dear, have some props!

N: no regrets – bullshit! We all have them. Admit it, accept it, learn from it, move on.

O: opportunity – I don’t know; sometimes I have seen it, other times it has evaded me entirely. I’ll keep on keeping on.

P: playwriting – it somehow has crept into my blood, it is there, and like my lousy Final Four prediction each year, I cannot get rid of it!

Q: quiet – yes, that is too simple as well, but it is something I need to seek more often and is something we all could use more of. Hey, I’m working on it!

R: Rush…come on, did you expect anything else? The greatest rock and roll band of all time. This is my list. If you want to disagree, write your own. When you recognize the Truth, we Rush fans will welcome you to the Light.

S: sex – glad I had it in this lifetime; dying a virgin would have sucked.

T: tattoos – no thanks, not for me. It’s cool if you want one, if that’s your thing. It’s your body, do with it as you wish. I have an alternative tattoo drawn on paper – the word “Imagine” inside a star with wings. Jared Lashinsky (a former PTI student) designed it; it doesn’t hurt and didn’t cost a thing!

U: unbelievable – what can I say? I have had a good life. When a guy gets to write for pleasure, teach for a living, has a brother who has grown with him, a best friend for almost three decades and counting, a mother who has been both supportive and loving, a great education, wonderful experiences, amazing kids, a wife who is a dear friend, and has seen all his favorite teams win championships, what else can he ask for? Each man’s story is his own, and mine would not make for a Hollywood movie, but it has been fantastic. This sounds like I am dying; I am not...well, we all are but… Let’s move on.

V: veterans – yeah, I think it is fair to thank them. I was too soft to even think about joining the military. But let’s not exaggerate the truth. Would the Great American Way have toppled had Germany won World War 2? Maybe, but probably not. Thank a Vet, I do so when I can. But learn history from a wider angle than just the American view.

W: women…ahh, what would the world be without women? Wait, that doesn’t make any sense…yet it means everything, doesn’t it? Ahhh, women…

X: XY chromosome! Let’s hear it for being male! I have said it before and I will sing it from the mountain top: I am so glad I am a guy. Between what nature throws and society demands, we have life so much easier. I love my XY chromosome pairing!

Y: YOU! Without everyone else in this life, I would have been dead a long time ago. Wait, that doesn’t make sense either. People are great; sure, some are wankers and assholes and derelicts and degenerates, but damn if most of you haven’t made this life extraordinary. Thanks for being you.

Z: Zzzzz…I love me a nap (slang intentional). But Z can be such a tricky letter. There is Zeppelin, Led -- gotta get the lead out; Datsun Z, an old car; Zeta Tau Alpha, Thiel College 1991 Man of the Year I was; zippers break, deal with it; zygotes move, gotta keep up; Z is so overrated and yet so frustrating…But that is how we end things. Someone put the Z at the end of our alphabet. When I lay me down to die, I will take the nap of all naps! A little cliché, a little risqué, a little naïve, a little bit new, a little predictable; it is life, live it!

Now I know my ABCs, next time write your own for me.