Thursday, January 28, 2010

On Being an Artist (Part I)

Wow, this could take days, chapters, a lifetime. As R.E.M. once sang (in one of their better songs that the radio of course would never dare to play), "I think about this world a lot and I cry; and I've seen the films and the eyes...; I'm very scared for this world, very scared for me."

Being an artist is kind of like being a truck driver who hauls over-the-road for a distribution company. You never know what you are carrying until you get there, and you never really know where you are going until you are well on your way. Along the route, you could get mugged, hit standing traffic or just cruise on down the highway.

But what does it mean to "be an artist"?

James Joyce tried to write about, Pablo Picasso talked a lot about it, and now little old me will offer some thoughts.

It seems to me that being an artist is different than practicing art. If one chooses to practice art, one may do so in a variety of ways - paint various items, sing chords or notes in new or familiar ways, put together words in places and order they have never been placed before. You get the point. But art goes far beyond that. Being an artist requires seeing the unseen; or rather, seeing that which is often overlooked. The way a girl smiles - be she a ten-year-old getting released from the hospital or a recent divorcee finding the prospect of love once again - is a type of art. (Sorry, part of me appreciates the beauty that every woman still has a “girlish” quality.) A woman/girl's smile is an art form entirely unto itself.

Art is also found in the way a man reacts when patience is called for. Most certainly an art form! He could lash out or walk away. Which is worse, which better? Tough questions. Art is met when he takes a deep breath, considers the consequences of his actions and finds patience. (When he does, please have him call me because I could still use a few pointers on that lesson.)

A couple holding hands on their sixtieth wedding anniversary, is art. A driver actually enjoying the beauty of snowfall as it cascades through the traffic light, is art. A soldier standing guard under a sun hotter than his homeland has ever experienced, is art. A business man taking a comfortable lunch under the outposts of a small city park, is art. A window washer, a nurse, a taxi driver...well, let's not get nuts here, maybe not the taxi driver.

Art swells all around us. It just IS. The artist sees it, somehow.

So when Michael Stipe (the leader singer/songwriter of R.E.M. - keep up, people, it is a pop culture reference!) sings about seeing the world and its sadness, I delve into the thought process of being an artist. I want to explore that sadness - want to understand why and how people do the things they do. For there is a sort of ballistic art out there, an in-your-face reality that shows the underbelly of our existence. Is murder art? No, but the mind of a killer must be fascinating to interview. Is hatred art? No, it leads to destruction, but you have to wonder what seethes through that kind of rage. Is corruption art? (Maybe, if painted nicely enough!) It would be amazing to tap into that kind of justification as found within the soul of a criminal.

Between the two - the mundane and the profound - is the area in which we live. Being an artist means seeing that for all its beauty and ugliness, and turning it into song, into theatre, into dance, into art in its many, many forms.

While I am at times scared for this world, I am also realistically hopeful. I know the world is a good place full of amazing people. I just hope to live long enough to see the strong understand the weak, to see the helpless find help, to know that hope has not been abandoned.

After all, if not for hope itself, then what are we living for?

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Conan the Rich Barbarian

Really? $45 MILLION to LEAVE A JOB? That is absurd. I have been chased out, asked to leave and even left with no bridges burned, but I have never been offered money to quit. Is this what we have come to? You now get paid to leave a job? Correct me if I am wrong, but a job is a privilege, not a right.

Conan O'Brien is getting paid to leave NBC! As they say, that is a good gig - if you can get it.

Have we really skewed our values so far to the bottom line that we reward a job not completed? We shouldn't be surprised in the day of super million bonuses, college coach buy-out clauses and about as much loyalty to the employee-employer relationship as to a prom date.

It goes along with everything we stand for as a society. When we used to honor longevity, we now pay off annoyance and disagreement. When a handshake used to suffice, now eyewitness reports, a police record and three written testimonials get a fender replaced. In my grandfather's day, if he collided with another driver they exchanged phone numbers, one admitted fault, and Pap-pap agreed to pay the bill for repairs. Oh, and the check cleared, too. Not today! Insurance is not just a business - it has become a necessity because things like trust and honor were watered down by greed and wanting more, more, damnit, more!

I will not apologize to supporters of absolute capitalism any longer. Yes, capitalism has done amazing things and is the best system we have formulated to this point in history. It is not a perfect system; after all, anything made by man in concept or in material will never be perfect. Capitalism works, but it is flawed. I would not have this laptop to write upon if it were not for the distribution of commerce and job creation that has resulted from a global economy. As well, I would never have gone to college, I would probably not own a home, and my kids would not have had what we define as a "nice" Christmas. But, come on!

NBC is paying $45 million to get rid of the guy who earns them money so that they can bring back the guy who will bring them more money? Okay, that makes sense. Ratings and the dollars they bring are akin to some quasi-modern combination of racketeering plus indulgences plus slavery. It's just out of hand.
Will Conan send a heartfelt check for $45 million to Haiti to offset the disaster? Probably not, but at least he divvied up $12 million of the "deal" to his staff and co-workers. Gee, he is all heart, ain't he?

Will Charlie Weis kick some of his extra cash (that he doesn’t have to work to earn from Notre Dame!) to a Chiefs fan who has never been able to afford a ticket to Arrowhead? Doubt it!

Another disadvantage of our hyper-interest in media is that we seldom hear about the good things that wealthy people do. My guess is that Conan and Charlie do a lot of charity work, but that story would not make headlines. We don’t want to read that!

Capitalism in its purest state is intended to make ENOUGH profit for a company to survive and develop. Afterwards, any extra money is supposed to build libraries, enhance schools, help the truly needy and move the community forward. You will hear someone say (and you might be one of them) that all companies have a number of charitable causes to which they donate. True, but ask if it is enough. And do not kid yourself into thinking that donating to charity is not a strategy! I have been in that meeting myself. Corporations evaluate which charities to contribute to based on how much benefit the tax break will be when they write off the contribution later. I have been in meetings with two different companies both asking that same question. Don't tell me it doesn't happen elsewhere. Besides, I haven't worked in many places.

Don't even get me started on the basic concept that we write off a charitable donation in the first place.

The ugly truth is quite simple - we have gone too far. Granted, it is our own doing - a supply and demand for entertainment - that has elevated salaries for television and movie stars. I don't begrudge O'Brien for making the money he has made; but I admonish my generation for pumping so much interest into the entertainment world to allow for millions to be tossed around like bottlecaps.

Do the people who flock to idols and housewives and views and win-frees spend as much time teaching their children right from wrong? Do we still tell our kids that they will need to be responsible parents themselves? Do we dare to talk with our children about why the divorce rate is so high? That relationships are not disposable? And not just marriage - friendships, fatherhoods, motherhoods, the reasons we throw our parents into nursing homes!?

Let’s turn off late night and have family night.

Will late night TV stand in history alongside Arthur Miller and Eugene O'Neill? No! Will the next blockbuster make more money than most of us will ever see in our lives? Certainly!

Until the next post…

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

A Not-So-Serious News Report

A Pittsburgh man has developed a third arm to help him to multitask.
Affected by the craziness of our times and overwhelmed by responsibility, Victor Amov has grown a mutated appendage below his right elbow that helps him to get more done. For all purposes, it looks like an arm.
“It turns out to be a great thing,” Amov told reporters from his suburban home where he demonstrated changing a light bulb while cleaning out the refrigerator. “It just makes life easier.” While researchers are skeptical about the possibility, some scientists indicate that other species have had similar evolutionary changes.
Dr. Roman Schlitznagle of the University of Houston points to the common earthworm as an example.
“The worm will grow its own head back, provided a child cuts it,” he said. “Why would an evolved and highly developed species such as a human not carry the same genetic tendencies?”
Known as appendageontome, the seemingly natural process was neither painful nor embarrassing for Amov.
“I am rather grateful,” he admitted, explaining how just getting out of the door each morning had become quite a chore. “I carry my lunch, a cell phone, a drink for the ride; not to mention a breakfast during my commute, any papers I need for work. All the while, I have to shoo the cat away from the door, turn off the lights to the house and fumble with keys both at the door and to get into my car. It had become a chore just to get to work. And on days it rains, forget it!”
Admitting that he almost bought a man purse, Amov is relieved the extra arm grew quickly.
“At first it was just a dull itch that grew into an uncomfortable and awkward bruise-like bump. Once it broke through the skin, it was obvious to me what was happening.”
Dr. Erin Revolu of MedFirst Hospital said that the process would not be all that painful. “It would be a lot like growing hair. Things are happening, but you never notice or feel anything at all. Much like puberty, but with quicker and less discomforting results.”
While not entirely rare, only one other case of appendageontome has been documented – that of a 1920s mobster named Thugs Calister who ran booze for moonshiners in Kentucky. The extra arm was helpful in down-shifting the often cumbersome truck he drove.
Drug dealers have long fantasized about the possibility of having an extra arm. “That would be cool,” a hooded informant told reporters. “Think how easy it would be to exchange. Not only can I say I have a gun, I can now hold the gun while my other right passes off the dope and my left hand takes the cash.”
“Yeah,” the dealer’s brother added. “It would be like octopusitis or some shit like that.”
Dr. Revolu warns not to be too optimistic, though. “I don’t see this happening for many people. While Mr. Amov’s case seems to be isolated, he does exhibit signs of mutated genes elsewhere. His head is rather large to begin with, though his intelligence seems to be minimal.”
IQ tests from 5th and 11th grades show that Amov actually decreased in intellectual capacity as he grew. Results from 1982 show an above average IQ for a twelve-year-old male, with a score of 76; however, by 1988, his IQ had dropped a staggering 47 points, leaving him as a teenager with an IQ of only 29.
Regardless, the extra arm appears to be real. It has four working fingers and a stub where the thumb would sit.
“The underdeveloped thumb is disappointing,” he said. “It would be nice to play a video game while doing work, but the nubbin – that’s what I call it – doesn’t do much.”
Others, however, are less supportive of Mr. Amov’s claims. His ex-wife, in fact, calls it a mere publicity stunt.
“He probably just wants to get onto that News of the Weird stuff or into People magazine. He once drew up a plan to kidnap himself. He is a moron,” the woman said.
Though his ex-wfe would not give her name, court records show that Amov was only married in the state of Maryland to a one Mary Smith. “He was always kinky. He is probably using it to masturbate,” she added from the porch of her trailer home in West Mifflin.
As well, a former co-worker, Dan Smith added that he believes Amov’s extra arm to be a hoax.
“Bullshit,” Smith e-mailed from HyberNotics, a refrigeration company from which Amov was “let go” in 2002. “That dude made a duct tape suit once. He is a nut job.”
When asked the purpose of the duct tape suit, Smith sent this response: “He wanted to be warmer in the freezers but also remain flexible and weather-resistant. The nimrod made an entire suit out of foam rubber and covered it with duct tape. Yeah, it worked, but geeze! What a dolt. He said he felt like a super hero in the costume.”
While doctors and friends continue to debate both the legitimacy of the extra arm as well as the merit of Amov’s claims, he happily lives a less complex life.
“Look,” he said while showing us his garage, “I can replace the blade on my mower while also winding the chord on my weedwhacker. Ouch!”
In an unrelated story, Mr. Amov recently learned that his application to be president of the Def Leppard fan club has been rejected.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Going What? Rogue? I Think Not!

I went to the dictionary today (not because I wanted to live deliberately – that is Thoreau’s territory) because I was not entirely sure of the meaning for a given word. The dictionary is the constant companion of any writer, teacher and teacher of writing. It clarifies what we think we know and helps us with arguments. The word I looked for was in fact there! Go figure. And, it has been there for a few centuries. Yet, somehow this word has really only become a part of our common language due to recent events in our nation’s history. I had heard the word many times and had even dared to use it on various occasions. I am not bragging, I am just stating a fact. Learning this word comes with having been an English major in college and a reader over time. Being a Shakespearean novice, I have a passing familiarity with the word. I think it is a good word, but do we use it correctly? Shakespeare sure used it well!
One is a rogue and peasant nave in Shakespeare, or is it a pleasant and naïve rouge? I cannot recall the exact scene and verse – though I am sure someone will go to Google and search those terms to let me know. Regardless, when one is rogue in Shakespeare it speaks to their character, to their individual station in life. The dictionary has several definitions for rogue: “a dishonest, knavish person; a scoundrel;” as well as, “a tramp or vagabond;” but also including “a playfully mischievous person.”
These definitions represent nouns - persons, places or things. If we are to accept that we either are human or are not, in that we cannot by will make ourselves into dogs, then we accept the fact that nouns in general are not changeable. A dog cannot be a house and a house cannot be a human and a human can only be in the doghouse through bad choices in marriage, but I digress… See, one either is or is not a noun; thus, one either is or is not a rogue. Rogue is a noun that implies being. I am human, I cannot change that despite bizarre surgeries that could alter anything from my gender to my eye color. I am American, and that can be changed, but American is a proper noun. See the difference?
It is my understanding that one cannot become rogue by choice or by action. Perhaps, one can be seen as rogue if actions were to change throughout one’s life, but one cannot just willy-nilly hope to be rogue. It is much like a nickname – one does not grant himself his nickname, a nickname must be earned through determination or sheer embarrassment. Likewise, one must either be rogue or not be rogue.
I am no fan of politics. I am trying in my adult years to understand, appreciate, and, yes, even learn about politics more, but so far it is only with a passing interest. We live in an unfortunate time when media and politics have blurred into a complex popularity contest that seems to drive ideas and actions. We teach students less so that they are less informed. In the end, the information they pursue is less and less nationally-minded and more and more personally-motivated. I am not casting aspersions. I was (and to some degree still am) the same way. I am trying to make up for lost time.
While I am no fan of politics I am also not a fan of political figures. I suffer the near-sightedness of my generation. If the actions of congress have not yet done something great, then they make little sense to me. I admire Jimmy Carter more for his literary merit than for his time in office; I respect Ronald Reagan more for what I have learned about him than I cared when he was alive. I don’t wish to be anyone from Billy Carter to Bill Clinton or from Spiro Agnew to John McCain. However, I empathize with the likes of Harry S. Truman, Geraldine Ferraro and Lyndon Johnson who were placed where history placed them.
One person I am confused by is Sarah Palin. She seems to think that she can go rogue. “Going Rogue” to me seems to be impossible. Yes, she has been caught up in the maelstrom of the political race in which she found herself so openly thrust two summers ago, and she has suffered the ups and downs of a life in the spotlight. Her life cannot be fun! Nor do I wish to be her. Were she to run for president in 2012 or 2016, who knows, maybe I will vote for her. I voted for Hillary! Just because one is a registered Democrat does not make one a hardcore democrat. I simply chose “D” over “R” because the Ds make more sense to me. (Maybe it is because I saw a lot of those in high school, but that is another topic for another day, er, another blog.) I try to see each issue, and I have said on many occasions that we need to stop worrying about who “WINS!” an election and focus more upon who will best lead our cities, our counties, our states, our nation and ultimately our world.
But Sarah going rogue just doesn’t make sense to me either. I have not read the book, so I will not judge. I am sure she explains in detail the conundrum of her title within the book. If you don’t know the meaning of conundrum, look it up in that dictionary thing mentioned earlier. If given the chance, I might read the book down the road. I read too much fiction and I am trying to improve upon that by reading other genres. So far, it hasn’t worked. I did not finish "The One Percent Doctrine" and only bought "Profiles in Courage" because I know I should own a copy and should read it some day. When I find the courage to read more than one percent of "Going Rogue", I will perhaps comprehend Mrs. Palin’s ideology, which will be a good thing because I will be better informed to some percentage. However, I doubt I will understand just how she justifies “going” to a noun.
One cannot become a blogger, one either is or is not, and one can only blog.
Until the next post…

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Welcome to Blog World

I said I would do it, and dag-nabbit, I am going to do it!
Here is the triumphant return of the old column from college. (Disguised as a blog and wrapped in a reason to write.)
For those who do not know, I wrote a column back in the 1990s at Thiel College (a.k.a. the Finest Educational Institution in Pennsylvania) entitled "Here's Something Nobody Cares About..." It was a meandering of thoughts long before the age of the internet. (Not like dinosaur long, but you get the picture.) Technically, it was an Award-Winning Column, but I only like to brag in bars and to women who find me mildly attractive. Between my own interests and suggestions of friends, I always said I would revive it somehow, hoping of course that a newspaper would pay me to do so. That never happened.
So, here we are - in the blogosphere. I think in 1992, when I graduated from college, a blog was nothing more than the working title for a not-so-highly anticipated sequel to a 1950s horror film about a rather hefty mass of goo overtaking a city. Luckily, that movie was never made.
I won't bore you with what I have done in the last 18 years since "H.S.N.C.A..." was last published. But I will begin by saying this: "Gunter, Glieben, Gauten, Globen," which I think is counting to four in German, but is really a reference to 1980s rock. A poor joke, alas!
I was born in the 1970s, just after the 1960s. Lookie there, we have covered a whole reference to the last half of our previous century!
Onto today. Writing is an aspiration, and I still hope/plan to do this for what remains of my life. Whatever the purpose or the results, we shall see. But, to write is the goal!
Please feel free to pass this along to anyone you know, mainly because you really don't care...do you?
So, there we have it -- between overrated hairband metal, Thiel, history, friendships, a jab at un-hiring editors and no mention of Rush (well, not quite), we have the return installment of "Here's Something Nobody Cares About...2009." For the record, that ellipsis matters!
As for any reference to the greatest rock and roll band of all time -- yes, you may call me Captain Rush.
Until the next post...